Mom tracks down toilet-tissue pranksters: Someone's been making good use of her CSI addiction, that's for sure.
Waitress gets own ID when carding patron: The gods really do have a sense of humor. Now if only the people who stole my laptop years ago would bring it by for WebCT help. Cause that would be awesome.
Captain pleads guilty to operating cruise ship drunk: This guy needs to learn to wait until he's out to sea for his drunken binges. Then at least he doesn't have to worry about crashing the ship into anything if he gets a little swervy.
Chuck Norris leads vote for Budapest bridge name: "Chuck Norris is so badass, he built a whole bridge with nothing but some string and a brick." Incidentally, I've tried visiting the page it lists to go vote, and it's utterly incomprehensible. Even Babelfish has failed me.
Police nab man with diamonds in the rough: After officers found equipment used by jewelers to measure diamonds in his car, they searched the man and found the booty in his briefs. Where else would you expect to find the booty?