Squirrel (daemonnoire) wrote in tasteless_true,

Tasteless But True

Deckchair trapped testicles:  Because stories about endangered and mutilated genitalia are why y'all really read these things.

Dog destroys £40,000 Elvis teddy:  Breaking News:  Hounddog ain't no friend of Mabel.  Mabel says 'I just wanted to be his teddybear!"

Shredded euro confetti scandalizes town:  They're just pissed because those things take so long to tape back together.

Dead thief proven not so dead after allOnly after a doctor tried to insert a tube into the burglar's trachea to reanimate him, did he suddenly open his eyes and begin speaking.  This reminds me of some of shadow73's ER stories.  Especially the ones about inserting catheters into "comatose" patients.

Surgeons find knife, nails in stomachThe case was initially reported by a concerned relative who saw him swallowing the objects  Now this poor kid will never get his own magic show!

Ohio Man Claims Right To Have Sex With BoysA suburban Cleveland man... told a judge Wednesday that his apartment was a religious sanctuary where smoking marijuana and having sex with children are sacred rituals protected by civil rights laws.  That's funny.  My apartment is a religious sanctuary where I sacrifice pedophiles to my dark goddess.  This guy should drop by sometime and we can compare religions.
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The following is what really causes me to spit blood.

"The only reason I'm charged with rape is that no one believes a child can consent to sex. The role of my ministry is to get these cases out of the courtrooms."

He's also accused of raping seven other autistic children at a Cleveland school for special-needs students, The Plain Dealer reported.

Most of the time, pedophiles really do believe they are helping the children they molest. It's a definite cognitive error, but they really believe it. This person obviously doesn't. He's just spouting off to spout off.

Put his ass in prison. I give him 10 minutes before someone beats him to death.
I still like what Glenn Beck had to say about these people.

The Molestinator (TM) is the way to go, if you ask me.